After a few weeks of horrible weather, the sun was back over Sydney and a weekend of football was back on the cards. The Barney AA12s  took on Pagewood away and needed the three points to keep the pressure on the top. There was an inspirational team-talk by Andy and a call to “turn 90 minutes into 24 hours”. No-one understood what this meant- although John Murray took it literally and played the game in slow-motion.

Like a scene fromHangover 3, I got a call from Danny on the Monday after the game against uni, who told me, this team was falling apart not only were we getting battered by shit teams like uni, we were fighting among ourselves, like danny and marcel over whos round it was next, the uni game was a mess.  

It was a lovely afternoon in the Eastern suburbs as the team ventured out to the bad-lands of somewhere just past Kingsford for the 3pm kick off.   The kick off time seems to be designed for a team of chronic alcoholics and recreational drug addicts, such as B’worth and for it we give thanks to ESFA.

The mighty AA8 team arrived at Paine Reserve to take on the not so mighty QP B team on a bright and ridiculously warm winters day.  It was a slightly reduced squad with top goalscorer Dan Hogan out with toothache, Doncaster Rovers number 1(of 6) fan Ricky was nursing a bad knee, as was new midfield maestro Liam.  Fortunately,  the magical reappearance of talisman Sean on the sidelines inspired the lads to such an extent that even the chemical brothers and the Stallion were speechless for a change – though naturally, that didn’t last long.

Sunday arrived and next up Maroubra beckoned with the need for BUFC to get back on track. Team talk before the game focused on enjoying our football again and putting in a disciplined display. The lads had taken on board what Billy and Mark said before the game with a ruthless display, we also welcomed ‘Bruiser’ back from 4 weeks of bird time for his last two tackles in a Barnstoneworth shirt, he said he had done his time and was repentant for the pain he has caused to others so far this season.

The weather wasn’t quite as hot as it previously had been on the first five Sunday’s of the season, Ronan went to Canada to get over his sunstroke and Sydneyside temperatures plummeted.

Firstly, I would like to apologise for the lateness of the match report going to press. On a positive note my new companies website is up and running and if any BUFC players, friends, families or mistresses need to find work or need migration help much love will be given. Shameless plug over we played some football a couple of Sundays ago.

As I sat in the penthouse in the Hilton hotel in down-town Bangkok, surrounded by a string of beauties massaging me and feeding me grapes, the phone rang.  It was a voice I never wanted to hear, a voice that always barked my name, a voice that always blamed me for his fuck ups on the field , it was BUFC club chairman Sean. I paused for a second thinking about hanging up or telling him to pick his silver medal back out of the bin and shove it up his arse, I bit my lip, took a swig of whiskey and hoovered two of the best lines of pure snow Bangkok had ever seen straight up my narrow small nose.

As is the custom with these match reports, we’ll begin with the weather. Clearly someone had forgotten to tell Sydney that summer is over. Sunday was HOT man, hotter than a fucking napalm vindaloo.

The weatherman promised rain and the clouds delivered. Grounds around the eastern suburbs were quickly shut by unforgiving councils who cared not that hundreds of young men (and older men e.g. Daz, Rab, Foxy, Paul Hartley and most of the AA8 team) around the east were burning to get the season started. Luckily, BUFC ply their trade at the theatre of dreams, Paine Reserve, and it was blessed with a halo of sunlight over the weekend, meaning it was game-on. BUFC AA8s would kick-off against the mighty UNSW.

It was a close run thing, apart from the AA1 match reports which continue to be poor, year after year. Even though they’ve managed to win the league for the last five years, and last year won 1300 games on the bounce to win the league by a point, putting pen to paper is beyond most of them.

The first game up, was yet another game against Coogee for the AA8 team, for the fourth time this season, and after losing three times so far, the omens didn’t look good.   However, as we’d managed to refrain from turning up semi-drunk, there was a glimmer of hope.

A beautiful Sunday morning at Paine Reserve saw Barnstoneworth take on the in-form Easts in the 2nd and final chance to make the Grand Final against Coogee.

It was a case of No Direction (us) versus One Direction (Easts FC) in the final game of a gruelling season at the field of dreams last Sunday.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The opening line of Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities just about summed up Billy’s weekend. Claiming a late 2-1 Victory over Loko and putting us in the driving seat to finish second was the best of times; and being reunited unexpectedly with his long lost son Banger was the worst of times. Cilla Black would have been proud of this reunion, but the confused Darren could only ask, “Banger, do you clean your teeth with Bonjella?”.

It was a dozen weary bodies that turned up for an early morning start against Maroubra on a brisk, sunny morning at Coral Sea Park, the vast tracts of housing commission houses in the area, making the Scots and the Northerners in the teamfeel at home.  The pitch was in fine condition and unlike the pitch from the day before, the council workers had foregone the smoko for 5 minutes and remembered to mow it, at some point in the last couple of weeks.

A windy Saturday morning at Queens Park saw Easts starting the game with only 9 players.
We welcomed back Bruiser to the team, after a 6 week holiday. He’s had more holidays than Judith Charmers commented one onlooker. After 2 minutes, Bruiser launched a typical bone crunching tackle that left the centre forward on the deck. He’d get kicked out of Strangeways commented another onlooker.

A 2-0 defeat at the hands of much improved Redfern wasn’t quite what we expected on a bright and lovely Saturday morning. Alas with just 11 players available for this game, and 78 year old Redfern Chairman Wally being forced to referee it didn’t bode well for us.

A tough game at Hefron saw the lads defeated by top of the table Coogee.

A new found urgency was evident for the first time this season as we had a warm up. In unison, everyone pulled up their socks.

The management came up with a plan so cunning you could brush your teeth with it – we were to score more goals than the opposition. Billy also announced the introduction of a “holiday application form” that must be signed off by himself and Mark before there are any more holidays!!